We’ve been grandparents now for over twenty-five years, and we’ve learned a few things about this “high calling” along the way.  We continue to learn and grow in it, which we find is now starting into the fourth generation, if we start counting with ourselves. That’s right—we’re great grandparents.  Interestingly, our youngest grandchild (three years old) is twelve days younger than our great grandson.  And any minute our third great grandchild will be born (a baby sister for our six-year-old great granddaughter), and we can hardly wait.  We’re loving it.  Of course, we’re scratching our heads and wondering how this happened so fast.  Aren’t we too young?  Nope.  One look in the mirror confirms it.

What is it we enjoy so much about these fifteen grandchildren and nearly three greats? Easy. Just being with them, playing with them, listening, sharing stories, teaching them the joys of the gospel, as well as the sorrows of wrong choices, helping them along their paths; plain and simply, loving them with all our hearts.  And, of course, praying for them and with them. We find this whole process deeply satisfying.

I remember my own grandmother, Pearl Saunders—aptly named, a highly valued  gem to all of her grandchildren. She was a chief builder of my sure foundation in living the gospel. Every time I visited her (almost always other grandchildren were there, after all I had eight siblings and numerous cousins nearby) she made certain to say something or tell a story that laid another solid brick in my foundation of faith. It never felt preachy, just inspiring and safe. I loved every visit at her house. I grew up wanting to be a grandma like her. Now’s my chance.

It helps so much to have a pattern to follow.  But if you don’t, then you can be the one to create the pattern for your posterity.  We’ll share a few things that we’ve learned from our own and other grandparents and some we’ve discovered on our own (with a good measure of heavenly intervention), that we hope will be helpful.

1. Realize the power of your position.

The apostle Paul helps us clearly see the importance of grandparents in his 2nd epistle to Timothy, whom he admired and loved.  He said, “. . . When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” (2 Timothy 1:5) It’s plain to see the important role these two women played in his life, beginning with his grandmother.

Paul later gives us specific instructions in his epistle to Titus, to the “aged men” and the “aged women” (sounds like grandparents to us). He said, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

“Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, sound speech that cannot be condemned.” (Titus 2:4-8)  By following this admonition we can significantly help our grandchildren know how to become successful and faithful individuals, husbands, wives, and parents. That seems to be our main job, and it begins from the moment they are born.

Because we are not continually hovering over them as parents do, we can be a refreshing place of refuge for them.  That puts us in a position of power.  It makes our moments with them more precious, more memorable, more sought after.

2. Be creative in teaching them.

Most everyone knows the power of storytelling. Children love stories.  Reading to them is good, but telling first hand stories is our favorite. They especially love to hear the stories about their parents.  Remember every good thing you can about your child who is their parent and tell it.  Make it interesting, captivate them.  Like one of our favorites: “I remember when your daddy was a little boy and he fell while riding his bike.  He had been told not to go down the hill to a friend’s house, but thought it would be okay anyway.  Just as he started out, he fell and skinned his knee and elbow. He came running in and said, ‘I decided to go down the hill on my bike to my friend’s house and crashed.  I think it was the Holy Ghost telling me I shouldn’t go. This time I listened.’”

The kids love this story, and it usually stimulates a conversation about being obedient.  We explain that usually the Holy Ghost whispers to us, rarely knocking us over.  But of course, the Lord has the power to do what He needs to do.  Then they start asking questions and sharing their own experiences.  That’s the time to listen, with a little teaching in between.

They also want to hear about when we were young.  We sometimes share some of our mistakes (not big ones) and how repentance works.  Like the time when nine-year-old grandpa took a candy bar from a store without paying for it. A neighbor saw and called his mother. She met him at the door and asked if he enjoyed the candy bar.  He was shocked.  She took him back to pay for it.  That ended his shoplifting career.  They can hardly imagine that their strong, faithful grandfather would do such a thing. It helps them see that everyone can repent and do better.

Our most favorite thing is to tell them faith-promoting experiences that have happened to us or our progenitors.  Sometimes we show them the picture of the person we’re talking about. They are riveted during these stories. There are many and they know them by heart.  Sometimes they request certain ones saying, “Tell me the one about when great grandpa was being forced by some bad boys to smoke, and how the Lord answered his prayer and he got away.”  Or “Tell the one about great great grandma when she got a blessing for her hurt ankle.” These ancestors live on as amazing examples to our grandchildren.

When do we tell them these stories?  Anytime and anywhere.  Sometimes in bed with them.  There have been times when as many as five grandkids have piled into our bed when we were visiting at their home or they were visiting us. It’s crowded, and fun!  Sometimes it has happened in the middle of the night.  We finally set a boundary and said, “You can come into our bed as soon as it starts to get light outside.”

We got a better night’s sleep after that.

We keep the children’s Friend and New Era magazines coming so we can read from them to the children.

Or in a phone call refer to an article and ask if they’ve read it yet, stimulating their interest. These magazines are a great source of inspiring true stories.  Along with this we are becoming familiar with the Primary Faith in God Award and are encouraging our senior Primary grandkids to work on it.  (Janice Perry and I just finished a new song to inspire children to want to achieve this award. See below to download a free copy.)

Now we’re learning more about the awards our teenage grandchildren are working on — Young Women Personal Progress, Young Men Duty to God, and Eagle Scout — and encouraging them to achieve them. We know most of that responsibility lies with their parents and leaders, but an encouraging word and a little help from us might give them a needed boost. It’s good for them to know their grandparents know about these things and care. When they achieve these awards it’s important for us to acknowledge it to them in a personal way.  Let them know we’re proud of their accomplishments, whatever worthy endeavor they are involved in.

3. Be in their lives, even when they live far away.

We think there should be a law against grandchildren moving away from their grandparents.  All of ours live out of town, most out of state.  Not fair at all!  So we have to be actively engaged in thinking of ways to stay connected with them.  Here are a few things we’ve come up with.

• Recently we were unable to attend our grandson’s baptism.  Oh, how we wanted to be there.  But since we couldn’t make the trip to Oklahoma we decided to “almost” be there.  We made a video of us talking to him as though he were right there in the room with us. We told him how proud of him we were, giving specific reasons why.  Then we testified of the importance of baptism, of confirmation and receiving the Holy Ghost. We shared a couple of short stories, one from the Book of Mormon.  To keep it interesting we had segments where we moved from one area in our home to another, focusing sometimes on the picture of Jesus hanging on our wall. We told him of our love for him and how much we wanted to be there with him. It was about 15 minutes long. Along with it we sent the framed poem, “My Baptism” that I wrote many years ago. (All of our grandkids get their framed copy when they’re baptized. See how to get a copy below.)

We wondered how he would respond.  Our son, his dad, said, “Garrett was thrilled.  He kept watching the entire video with great interest.  He will cherish this his whole life.” We hope he does.  It took some effort to create, but was well worth it.  He knew our thoughts and love were with him.

Since then we created another personalized video for a granddaughter at the time of her high school graduation. She, too, was very touched and called us, expressing her love and gratitude.  There is more than one way to be present in your grandchildren’s lives.

• Call them on the phone, one-on-one.  Mostly we just ask them what’s going on.  The girls can talk on and on.  They never seem to run out of words.  The boys require a few more questions that will get them going.  However, they never seem to talk as much as the girls.  That’s okay.  We know that most boys/men are made that way.  Sometimes I just tell them an interesting experience we had.  We’ve learned to keep it short, very short. What’s interesting to us isn’t always interesting to them.

Mostly we just tell them we miss them and love them and are praying for them.  Consequently, as they’ve grown some of them call us for advice.  We’ve heard them say, “I can’t really ask Mom or Dad about this, but what do you think I should do?”  We love that they call us. We know it isn’t that Mom and Dad aren’t doing a good job, it’s just that they want another opinion they can trust. We recognize that our place is to be a second witness for their parents, so we never go against advice their parents have given them. Our most important counsel to them is to encourage them to talk it over with their parents, and pray for guidance and confirmation from the Lord.

• Occasionally we write letters—real letters that are sent with a stamp.  We don’t do that often, just when we feel to praise them for an accomplishment or encourage them through a rough time.  It’s easy to tell a spiritual story in a letter.  They can’t resist reading it because it’s just for them.  It somehow has a little more meaning than an email letter, though we have sent those on occasion, too.

• We always send them a birthday card and a gift.  We used to buy gifts but now we send a fun card and money.  They love to get money and buy something they really want.  Along with that we call them on their birthdays and wish them a “live” happy birthday.

• We visit them and invite them to visit us.  A few times we have saved up skymiles to fly a child here who seems to need some time with us, especially teens who live far away and don’t get a chance to come as much.  We do our best to make it a memorable visit, including arranging fun with other extended family members, and taking lots of pictures. For example, recently we took our fourteen-year-old visiting granddaughter to a beloved aunt’s 90th birthday celebration.  We wanted our granddaughter to know and remember this wonderful aunt, and told stories of the great faith she has had all her life.  We took pictures of them together.

Among other things we take them to see the temple and talk about our marriage and their future marriage. We hope to cement that desire in their hearts.

After the visiting grandchild leaves we make a scrapbook with the photos and pictures of places they visited. I don’t have time or patience to get real fancy, so I make it simple, but fun. When they receive it they call and express gratitude for it.  We want them to always remember our time together.

• Use technology.  Facebook is a good way to keep in touch.  You can find out a whole lot by looking on your grandchild’s facebook page.  We’ve learned to make our FB comments to them seldom and private.  We never want to embarrass them with a comment they wouldn’t want their friends to see.  However, we don’t hesitate to give congratulations or a little praise where all can see.

Also, we learned that we can get a message to them quickly by texting them.  Sometimes it’s just a quick word or two, like the other day on the first day of a granddaughter’s new job I texted, “You’ll do great.

You’re in our prayers. We’re so proud of you.

We love you.”  She texted right back and said, “Thanks, Grandma. That means so much to me.”  We don’t feel a need to do this often, but when we do we try to make it count.

We’ve learned that they don’t always show appreciation for what we do.  Most do, but some don’t.  Kids are all different, just like adults.  We’ve decided that their response to our gifts to them has no bearing on our giving.  We just keep on doing what we do so they will know our love never falters.  We are there for them.  We love them regardless.  I think that’s how the Lord is with us.

4. Share prayers and priesthood blessings with them.

As grandparents we have the power to call down the powers of heaven to bless them. Many times we have prayed for angels to surround our grandchildren, to guard and guide them. We pray that they will listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and be guided in their choices.  We pray for those who are driving age to be especially watched over, and along with this we verbally remind them to drive safely and obey the laws. One of our grandchildren told us of a near accident she had and said, “I know an angel helped me because it was like someone grabbed my steering wheel and pulled me out of the way of an oncoming car. Thank you for your prayers for me.”  We know the Lord hears the prayers of devoted grandparents.

We let them know we are praying for them when they have a special need, such as an illness, a hard time at school, or other difficulties.  When we are with them we find times to pray with them.  Sometimes they’ll call and say, “Grandma and Grandpa, I need your prayers.”  We are thrilled when they do this, and they get those prayer abundantly. When our cowboy-grandson does his bull riding competition, we pray!  Oh, do we pray.  Growing up in Wyoming did this to him.  So we pray for his safety, and rejoice that he is a good living young man and that the Lord will watch over him.  He’s growing up, almost sixteen. Can’t imagine it.

When our college-student granddaughter needed to buy a car she called for some advice. Her parents were states away, but she was near us. She’s one who avoids debt (thank goodness) and had saved for a good used car. She wanted to make sure it would work well for her and asked for our prayers to help find one.  We prayed for that specific blessing, then Grandpa joined her in the search and together they found a good one. Grandpa worked with the car dealer, winning his favor, making sure the car worked well. We won’t go into detail here, but after some effort the deal was done. She has enjoyed the car and continues to express gratitude for Grandpa’s help in finding it. Prayers and some hands-on help made the difference.

Recently we received a call from a less active adult granddaughter, whom we adore, pray for, and treat as though she were active in the Church. Calling us was not unusual, but her request was.  She’s asked if Grandpa would give her a blessing.  We were so pleased.  Our efforts have not been in vain. She knew where to turn, and that God loves her and will bless her.  We never cease to have hope that one day we will all be together in the Celestial Kingdom.

That is our continual hope, and we never stop praying and working toward that eternal goal. When they live righteously and make wise choices we rejoice. When they falter along life’s journey, or go astray, we continue to love them and do all we can to gently lead them back onto the path.  We know the most important thing we can do is love them and pray for them. The rest is in the Lord’s hands.  We trust Him to do what we cannot do.  That is what the atonement is all about.

We know we have not been perfect grandparents, and that we’ve made mistakes. But we are continually working at doing our best.  We know that many of you have done much more and have your own way of showing love to your grandchildren. Every effort is profoundly important. So keep it up. Our hope with this article is to give a few ideas that may inspire grandparents everywhere in their quest to help and love their grandchildren.

We know that the real power of our influence in our grandchildren’s lives is our example and our steadfast faith in Christ.  We promised this to our posterity when we were married at the alter of the Salt Lake Temple fifty-six years ago. Our life is dedicated to keeping that promise, and we pray continually to never lose sight of this.  It is our hope and prayer that all grandparents remember these promises and keep them, and that God will help us all to do so.

A song for grandparents

To conclude, a few years ago Gary asked me to write a grandpa’s lullaby for him, so I wrote the words and my cousin, Janice Kapp Perry, wrote the music.  Just a few days ago he sang it at our granddaughter’s baby shower, a fun way to welcome a soon-to-arrive great grandbaby.  For any who are interested, here are the lyrics and the link to the recording of Gary singing it.

To listen click on this link and scroll to end of article http://ldsmag.com/component/zine/article/8625?ac=1

Grandpa’s Lullaby

lst verse:

Don’t cry little baby,

Someday you will see

How much Grandpa loves you,

What you mean to me.

Don’t cry little baby,

So perfect and good.

I promise to do for you

All that I should.

Chorus:

And there will be arms to hold you tight.

And soft lips to kiss you and whisper goodnight.

Grandpa loves you, dear baby,

Goodnight.

2nd verse:

Don’t cry little baby,

I’ll sing you my song

To bring you sweet dreams

That will last all night long.

Don’t cry little baby,

There’s no need to fear.

God’s most caring angels

Will always be near.

Chorus:

And there will be arms to hold you tight.

And soft lips to kiss you and whisper goodnight.

Grandpa loves you, dear baby,

Goodnight.

After last chorus:

Sleep tight little baby,

You’re safe here with me.

[“My Faith In God Award” song is free to anyone.  Scroll down to Free Products.  The poetry poster “My Baptism” is available for a modest price.  Also available on this site is the poetry poster  “My Priesthood Promise”, which we give our grandsons when they are ordained to the priesthood. FREE SHIPPING on all products on the website. If you want the sheet music to “Grandpa’s Lullaby” email gjlundberg@gmail.com]

Last month we wrote the article Wake-up Call for Husbands, and were surprised to see the large number of comments and emails we received.  Now it’s time for a wake-up call for wives.

Full article

As a young child, I loved the primary song, “Oh What Do You Do in the Summertime?” As I sang each verse to the energetic but relaxed tempo of the music, the lyrics fired my imagination with the possibilities for summer fun. Inspired by the words, I was sure I would use the lazy days of summer to dream on the banks as I watched the clouds go by, swim in a pool to keep myself cool, drink lemonades and count all the stars in the sky.  And, as it turns out, I did all of those things and more.

I cannot recall any sense of being bored in my childhood when, after I finished my chores on a summer morning, there were perhaps hours of unscheduled time stretched before me. There was no question of what on earth I would do with my day. Rather, the question I faced on a given day was which fun thing to do first. And, as a result, most of my memories of childhood summers are composed of unstructured and unhurried fun, something I want my children to enjoy as well.

Read entire article for great ideas.

When my very smart and relatively young girlfriend (she was then 20) first told her father she was thinking of marrying me, he refused to even hear of it. “How much college debt does he have?” he demanded. “What’s the rush? Why not wait until your career and finances are established? How do you know he’s the one?”

She sobbed, he came around, and in May 2009 Amber and I became husband and wife, when I was 22 and she was 21.

To read entire article

After one of our marriage seminars a couple came up to us and said, “We almost didn’t come because our marriage is doing just fine. Then we decided that we want to keep it that way so we came, and we saw some things we need to do to polish it up and make it even better. And we’re so glad we did!” When couples with a good marriage recognize the need to keep “polishing it up,” then their marriage will grow stronger and happier with each passing year.

Couples can become so busy with their children, earning a living, taking care of the house, serving in their church and community, and so on, that they neglect their marriage without even noticing. Then suddenly it seems their marriage is in trouble. The fact of the matter is, it isn’t sudden at all. It happens little at a time from neglect. It takes some doing to have a great marriage, and the doing can be very fun, and definitely rewarding. Here are three tips, little gifts for your marriage, to help enhance the most important relationship in your life.

Gift #1: Kiss each other more, and we don’t mean a peck! Pecks don’t carry much emotion, nor are they very convincing. A peck takes less than a half second, and would get zero on a passion scale. A good kiss doesn’t have to be long, but it needs to last at least three seconds. Once you’re into it, it may take even longer, especially if the setting is just right—-you know, kids are in bed asleep, or gone. But for right now we’re talking about when you’re leaving for work or just arriving home. Go to each other and make the greeting meaningful. Let your kids see you kissing and enjoying it. Even if they say “Yuck!” don’t let that influence you. Inside they’re really saying, “Go for it, Mom and Dad.” Nothing makes children feel more secure than to see that their parents are in love with each other. Homes and marriages can be falling apart all around them, but when they know Mom and Dad really enjoy being married, then they know their family is safe.

Gift #2: Ask for and honor each others opinions. When a woman is the one who spends the most time during the day dealing with the children’s issues she can become so used to making decisions that she fails to ask her husband for his opinion. This can be damaging to the marriage relationship. Of course, not every little thing needs to be discussed; however, important issues do. For example, if the school calls and Johnny’s in trouble, call your spouse and discuss what he or she thinks should be done. Honor each other’s opinions and suggestions. Remember that you don’t always have to be right. There can be more than one good way to do something. If you have differing opinions then take turns being right.

Gift #3: Take a walk or a ride and count your blessings together. Decide that during this time you’re going to talk only about the good things in your life. Neither can bring up anything negative. It’s amazing how many things you will discover that are really wonderful in your life. Try comparing your life with the life of an imaginary family in a third world country—no running water, dirt floors, little or no opportunity for education, and soon you begin to feel gratitude for the things you have. Whatever your financial status, you will begin to feel rich. Talk about the blessings you enjoy. Express your love and appreciation for each other. Gratitude is a powerful gift.

Conclusion: As you do these three simple things, your marriage cannot help but put on a fresh glow, and your feelings of love for each other and your family will increase.  Marriage needs nurturing. It has been said that, “Even though marriages are made in heaven, man is responsible for the maintenance,” that goes for women, too. It takes both of you doing the little things that keep your marriage strong.

Preheat oven to 350°.

Cooking spray or grease a 13×9-inch baking dish.

Ingredients:
6 cups frozen hash browns
1/2 cup butter, melted
2 cups white cheese
2 cups cheddar cheese
1 medium onion, chopped
1 1/2 cups half-and-half
8 eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions:
Beat half-and-half, eggs and salt together.

Mix hash browns, melted butter, white and cheddar cheeses and onion together and place in baking dish.

Pour half-and-half and egg mixture over frozen hash brown mixture. Bake at 350° for 40 minutes.

Note: You can prepare this the night before and place in refrigerator and then cook it the next morning.

A few days ago a handsome young man, a recent BYU graduate, came to our home to visit and talk about his desire to find a wife. He said, “What suggestions do you have for me? I want to get married and I can’t seem to find the right girl. Or when I think I have found her it turns out that she seems to like me at first and then loses interest in me.” We shared two concepts that seemed to hit him like a bolt of lightening and he said, “Wow! That’s profound. That’s my answer.”

The ideas are definitely profound, and we definitely are not the originators of them. Most of us have heard them in one form or another from Church leaders and teachers for years, but somehow it had escaped this young man until we stated it succinctly just for him in a way that he seemed to grasp as though hearing it for the first time. It reminds us of the scripture, “To all things there is a time and a season . . . .” It’s apparently his time for these concepts to take on meaning for him.

Because these ideas apply not only to finding a mate, but to keeping a mate and developing a happy marriage, we decided to share them in this article.

THE FIRST KEY
The first key is: We suggested he make a list of all the things he wants in a mate, then to put his name at the top of the list and make it his goal to be that kind of a person himself. We told him that if he becomes that kind of a person he will automatically attract women with those same qualities which will allow him a chance to build a potential marriage relationship .

We became more specific and said, “If you want a faithful Latter-day Saint companion then you be the most faithful, dedicated Latter-day Saint you can be. If you want someone who is forgiving, then be a forgiving person. If you want someone who loves the scriptures, then you must fall in love with the scriptures yourself. If you want a person who is prayerful, then you must be constant in your morning and evening prayers and have a prayer in your heart throughout the day. If you want a temple-worthy companion, then you must be temple worthy every day of your life.”

We took another step regarding his future family and said, “If you want a wife who wants children and wants to be a stay-at-home mother during their formative years, then you prepare yourself to be able to financially support your family so she can be a mother at home. And prepare yourself to be a good and loving father while you’re at it.”

Incidently, if you are a woman with a similar goal regarding marriage and children, then we suggest you get an education and be intellectually attractive so you will attract a man who is likewise prepared. At the same time you will be preparing yourself to be a well-equipped mother and capable of financially caring for your family in case of unexpected illness, death, or other unforseen tragedy.

Family Proclamation Reminds Us
This hearkens back to The Family: A Proclamation to the World, which states “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.”

We went on to tell our young friend that if he wanted someone who will treat him with respect, then he must treat others with respect. In short, any quality he desired in a mate, he must cultivate that quality in himself. He will then become an attractive candidate to a woman with those same qualities. You can be assured, anyone possessing those qualities will be looking for someone who likewise possesses them.

We must include a caveat here. No one should expect a mate or potential mate to be perfect in all of these qualities, since no one is, but they must be on the path, quietly and obviously working to one day attain them in their fullness.

Elder Richard G. Scott said,“The pattern of the Lord is for His children to make decisions based upon eternal truth. This requires that your life continue to be centered in the commandments of God. Thus, decisions are made in accordance with unchanging truths, aided by prayer and the guidance of the Holy Ghost. (“Living Right” Ensign Jan. 2007, 13)

Application in Existing Marriage
The application of this first key if you are already married is the same. Simply make a list of the qualities you want in your spouse, then put your name at the top of the list. Examine yourself and see where you fall short, then make the change. Be sure to add “Be forgiving.”

An associate of ours made an interesting observation about his spouse when he said, “My wife doesn’t get hysterical, she gets historical.” Too many times a spouse will dredge up the past and throw it in the face of their mate. That does nothing to foster change. We must be forgiving, letting past sins and offenses stay in the past. Start now by noticing and commenting on the good in your spouse, concentrating on being the best you can be regarding areas where he or she may fall short. Nothing is quite so powerful as a loving, non-criticizing example.

This reminds us of a client who was very distraught over the way her husband talked to her. At times he would swear at her and call her insulting names. Interestingly, he expected her to crawl in bed with him at night and make love to him. Now, after the way he treated her, how absurd is that! Unfortunately her response to him when he spoke to her in that manner was to yell back and call him her own insulting names. It was only when she responded to his insults with control, calmly stating that he must never speak to her that way again, that change began to happen. She kept at it, setting this boundary in a kind, gentle, respectful and firm manner, then leaving the room afterward instead of being drawn into a high-pitched argument. She would then go about her household tasks and treat him normally and with respect.

It took a few weeks until her kind boundary took effect. Now he treats her with respect, never swearing at or insulting her. In fact, they have developed a deep and loving relationship, one she never thought possible. It’s all about becoming who you want your spouse to be, along with setting a few boundaries.

Lloyd Newell on Music and Spoken Word summed it up recently when he said, “Think about what you want people to say about you at the end of your life, then live backwards. Be that person now.” (December 31, 2006)

THE SECOND KEY
The second key to our single friend is: Open wide the playing field in order to allow the Lord to answer your prayers without restrictions. In talking with our young friend we found that he had indeed limited the Lord. He wanted to marry an American Caucasian woman, even though he was from another culture. In his mind he had made this decision, which greatly limited his possibilities of finding a woman who would be most compatible for him. This is not to say that he won’t marry an American Caucasian woman, because he may, but his chances for marrying someone who is right for him are much greater if he opens the door to other possibilities.

Sometimes those who are seeking a mate seem to think there is that one-and-only person, a soul mate, created just for them, and the vision of finding that one person seems to rule. President Spencer W. Kimball clarified that idea when he said, “‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price . . .” (‘Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 3)

Blind Dates
It’s also wise to open the playing field by allowing friends and family to set you up with someone they think would be a good mate. People sometimes resist this arrangement, and in so doing may miss out on a prize. A relative of ours, who had had several unsuccessful “blind dates,” had decided to never have another one. A friend prevailed upon him and he finally decided that he would give it one more try. It worked and he found his wife. They have been happily married for several years. Keep the playing field open and you have a greater chance of finding your eternal companion.

We strongly suggest that people give that blind date more than one chance. You can’t accomplished a whole lot of falling on love on just one date. . . usually. So don’t’ give up too readily. A dear friend of ours is happily married to a man she just simply didn’t like at first. He persisted, and she is so glad. They have a very happy marriage and five adorable children.

We urge you to give the ones who possess your main qualities a chance. In dating don’t jump ship and leave the treasure behind before you’ve have a chance to discover its full value.

The Application to Those Already Married
So how does the second key work in marriage? The playing field you open is different than when you’re seeking a mate. You’ve made your choice and you no longer look at anyone else with romantic intentions. That field is closed.. What you now do is open a playing field where you both have room to grow and help your marriage become the best it can be. An open playing field for married couples means having fun together, focusing on what each other enjoys and making that happen. Being open to new ideas, new opportunities, new places to live, new friends, new Church callings, new talents to be developed. The list goes on. It’s all about making the playing field an open one where you grow together as you share life’s joys and sorrows.

Don’t be focused on what isn’t working quite the way you planned and be willing to move on to Plan B. Remember the words of President Kimball, “. . . it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price . . .” Be willing to pay the price. It will be more than worth it.

In Conclusion
These two keys can be a valuable guide in finding and keeping a mate. Whether married or looking for a mate it would be well to keep in mind these additional words of President Kimball: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage is not a legal coverall, but it means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.” (Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4)

We hope our singles friends and all couples will experience these “deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”

[To strengthen and help your marriage be better than ever, Gary and Joy Lundberg invite you to join them at their fun-filled 2010 Valentine Marriage Retreat. For more information http://lundbergcompany.com/blog/seminars/marriage-retreat/ Or call 1-800-224-1606.]

To order click here

“Love That Lasts: 14 Secrets to a More Joyful, Passionate, and Fulfilling Marriage” is the latest book by Gary and Joy Lundberg, published by Covenant Communications.  Also available on CD for listening.