.

Ingredients

1 (9 inch) prepared graham cracker crust
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1/3 cup lemon juice
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (21 ounce) can cherry pie filling

Pie Crust

Directions

1. Place softened cream cheese in a mixing bowl; add condensed milk, lemon juice, and vanilla. Beat until well blended. Pour mixture into the pie crust. Chill for 5 hours. DO NOT FREEZE!!!
2. Pour cherry pie filling on top of pie. Serve.

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. “It’s a different kind of love,” she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, “Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?” Since when, indeed.

More from The Stir: Longest Married Couple in the World Shares Their Secrets

Blogger Joanna Goddard addresses this in her blog and the result is very interesting. She spoke of a conversation she and a friend had after her friend saw writer Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, a book about sex within a marriage (and after having kids). Goddard says:

Perel believes that there’s a badge of honor among American women to not prioritize yourself or your marriage: It’s all about the children. Without realizing it, she said, women can end up getting their emotional intimacy and physical satisfaction from their children, instead of their partners, said Perel. They give their babies tons of wonderful affection — and then don’t have anything left over for their spouse. The marriage can become an afterthought.

Um, yep. How many women do we all know like this? It’s not their fault. And I don’t blame them. But it’s a problem. A huge one, in fact.

The fact is, in a family, if mom and dad aren’t happy, ain’t nobody else happy either. The marriage should be prioritized higher than anything else.

I see it in my own family all the time. When my husband and I are happy and loving with one another, our children are happy and loving with us. They want to get in between us and cuddle and they are much calmer. After all, the marriage is the foundation of the family.

Ideally, children are born from the love two people share with one another. They grow under the umbrella of that love and then they find their own loves with whom they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.

More from The Stir: Classes Teach Parents How to Stay Married After Baby

It’s burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It’s not easy. My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.

So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority number one. It’s what made my family and it’s what will stay after my kids fly the nest.

We’ve been grandparents now for over twenty-five years, and we’ve learned a few things about this “high calling” along the way.  We continue to learn and grow in it, which we find is now starting into the fourth generation, if we start counting with ourselves. That’s right—we’re great grandparents.  Interestingly, our youngest grandchild (three years old) is twelve days younger than our great grandson.  And any minute our third great grandchild will be born (a baby sister for our six-year-old great granddaughter), and we can hardly wait.  We’re loving it.  Of course, we’re scratching our heads and wondering how this happened so fast.  Aren’t we too young?  Nope.  One look in the mirror confirms it.

What is it we enjoy so much about these fifteen grandchildren and nearly three greats? Easy. Just being with them, playing with them, listening, sharing stories, teaching them the joys of the gospel, as well as the sorrows of wrong choices, helping them along their paths; plain and simply, loving them with all our hearts.  And, of course, praying for them and with them. We find this whole process deeply satisfying.

I remember my own grandmother, Pearl Saunders—aptly named, a highly valued  gem to all of her grandchildren. She was a chief builder of my sure foundation in living the gospel. Every time I visited her (almost always other grandchildren were there, after all I had eight siblings and numerous cousins nearby) she made certain to say something or tell a story that laid another solid brick in my foundation of faith. It never felt preachy, just inspiring and safe. I loved every visit at her house. I grew up wanting to be a grandma like her. Now’s my chance.

It helps so much to have a pattern to follow.  But if you don’t, then you can be the one to create the pattern for your posterity.  We’ll share a few things that we’ve learned from our own and other grandparents and some we’ve discovered on our own (with a good measure of heavenly intervention), that we hope will be helpful.

1. Realize the power of your position.

The apostle Paul helps us clearly see the importance of grandparents in his 2nd epistle to Timothy, whom he admired and loved.  He said, “. . . When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” (2 Timothy 1:5) It’s plain to see the important role these two women played in his life, beginning with his grandmother.

Paul later gives us specific instructions in his epistle to Titus, to the “aged men” and the “aged women” (sounds like grandparents to us). He said, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

“Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, sound speech that cannot be condemned.” (Titus 2:4-8)  By following this admonition we can significantly help our grandchildren know how to become successful and faithful individuals, husbands, wives, and parents. That seems to be our main job, and it begins from the moment they are born.

Because we are not continually hovering over them as parents do, we can be a refreshing place of refuge for them.  That puts us in a position of power.  It makes our moments with them more precious, more memorable, more sought after.

2. Be creative in teaching them.

Most everyone knows the power of storytelling. Children love stories.  Reading to them is good, but telling first hand stories is our favorite. They especially love to hear the stories about their parents.  Remember every good thing you can about your child who is their parent and tell it.  Make it interesting, captivate them.  Like one of our favorites: “I remember when your daddy was a little boy and he fell while riding his bike.  He had been told not to go down the hill to a friend’s house, but thought it would be okay anyway.  Just as he started out, he fell and skinned his knee and elbow. He came running in and said, ‘I decided to go down the hill on my bike to my friend’s house and crashed.  I think it was the Holy Ghost telling me I shouldn’t go. This time I listened.’”

The kids love this story, and it usually stimulates a conversation about being obedient.  We explain that usually the Holy Ghost whispers to us, rarely knocking us over.  But of course, the Lord has the power to do what He needs to do.  Then they start asking questions and sharing their own experiences.  That’s the time to listen, with a little teaching in between.

They also want to hear about when we were young.  We sometimes share some of our mistakes (not big ones) and how repentance works.  Like the time when nine-year-old grandpa took a candy bar from a store without paying for it. A neighbor saw and called his mother. She met him at the door and asked if he enjoyed the candy bar.  He was shocked.  She took him back to pay for it.  That ended his shoplifting career.  They can hardly imagine that their strong, faithful grandfather would do such a thing. It helps them see that everyone can repent and do better.

Our most favorite thing is to tell them faith-promoting experiences that have happened to us or our progenitors.  Sometimes we show them the picture of the person we’re talking about. They are riveted during these stories. There are many and they know them by heart.  Sometimes they request certain ones saying, “Tell me the one about when great grandpa was being forced by some bad boys to smoke, and how the Lord answered his prayer and he got away.”  Or “Tell the one about great great grandma when she got a blessing for her hurt ankle.” These ancestors live on as amazing examples to our grandchildren.

When do we tell them these stories?  Anytime and anywhere.  Sometimes in bed with them.  There have been times when as many as five grandkids have piled into our bed when we were visiting at their home or they were visiting us. It’s crowded, and fun!  Sometimes it has happened in the middle of the night.  We finally set a boundary and said, “You can come into our bed as soon as it starts to get light outside.”

We got a better night’s sleep after that.

We keep the children’s Friend and New Era magazines coming so we can read from them to the children.

Or in a phone call refer to an article and ask if they’ve read it yet, stimulating their interest. These magazines are a great source of inspiring true stories.  Along with this we are becoming familiar with the Primary Faith in God Award and are encouraging our senior Primary grandkids to work on it.  (Janice Perry and I just finished a new song to inspire children to want to achieve this award. See below to download a free copy.)

Now we’re learning more about the awards our teenage grandchildren are working on — Young Women Personal Progress, Young Men Duty to God, and Eagle Scout — and encouraging them to achieve them. We know most of that responsibility lies with their parents and leaders, but an encouraging word and a little help from us might give them a needed boost. It’s good for them to know their grandparents know about these things and care. When they achieve these awards it’s important for us to acknowledge it to them in a personal way.  Let them know we’re proud of their accomplishments, whatever worthy endeavor they are involved in.

3. Be in their lives, even when they live far away.

We think there should be a law against grandchildren moving away from their grandparents.  All of ours live out of town, most out of state.  Not fair at all!  So we have to be actively engaged in thinking of ways to stay connected with them.  Here are a few things we’ve come up with.

• Recently we were unable to attend our grandson’s baptism.  Oh, how we wanted to be there.  But since we couldn’t make the trip to Oklahoma we decided to “almost” be there.  We made a video of us talking to him as though he were right there in the room with us. We told him how proud of him we were, giving specific reasons why.  Then we testified of the importance of baptism, of confirmation and receiving the Holy Ghost. We shared a couple of short stories, one from the Book of Mormon.  To keep it interesting we had segments where we moved from one area in our home to another, focusing sometimes on the picture of Jesus hanging on our wall. We told him of our love for him and how much we wanted to be there with him. It was about 15 minutes long. Along with it we sent the framed poem, “My Baptism” that I wrote many years ago. (All of our grandkids get their framed copy when they’re baptized. See how to get a copy below.)

We wondered how he would respond.  Our son, his dad, said, “Garrett was thrilled.  He kept watching the entire video with great interest.  He will cherish this his whole life.” We hope he does.  It took some effort to create, but was well worth it.  He knew our thoughts and love were with him.

Since then we created another personalized video for a granddaughter at the time of her high school graduation. She, too, was very touched and called us, expressing her love and gratitude.  There is more than one way to be present in your grandchildren’s lives.

• Call them on the phone, one-on-one.  Mostly we just ask them what’s going on.  The girls can talk on and on.  They never seem to run out of words.  The boys require a few more questions that will get them going.  However, they never seem to talk as much as the girls.  That’s okay.  We know that most boys/men are made that way.  Sometimes I just tell them an interesting experience we had.  We’ve learned to keep it short, very short. What’s interesting to us isn’t always interesting to them.

Mostly we just tell them we miss them and love them and are praying for them.  Consequently, as they’ve grown some of them call us for advice.  We’ve heard them say, “I can’t really ask Mom or Dad about this, but what do you think I should do?”  We love that they call us. We know it isn’t that Mom and Dad aren’t doing a good job, it’s just that they want another opinion they can trust. We recognize that our place is to be a second witness for their parents, so we never go against advice their parents have given them. Our most important counsel to them is to encourage them to talk it over with their parents, and pray for guidance and confirmation from the Lord.

• Occasionally we write letters—real letters that are sent with a stamp.  We don’t do that often, just when we feel to praise them for an accomplishment or encourage them through a rough time.  It’s easy to tell a spiritual story in a letter.  They can’t resist reading it because it’s just for them.  It somehow has a little more meaning than an email letter, though we have sent those on occasion, too.

• We always send them a birthday card and a gift.  We used to buy gifts but now we send a fun card and money.  They love to get money and buy something they really want.  Along with that we call them on their birthdays and wish them a “live” happy birthday.

• We visit them and invite them to visit us.  A few times we have saved up skymiles to fly a child here who seems to need some time with us, especially teens who live far away and don’t get a chance to come as much.  We do our best to make it a memorable visit, including arranging fun with other extended family members, and taking lots of pictures. For example, recently we took our fourteen-year-old visiting granddaughter to a beloved aunt’s 90th birthday celebration.  We wanted our granddaughter to know and remember this wonderful aunt, and told stories of the great faith she has had all her life.  We took pictures of them together.

Among other things we take them to see the temple and talk about our marriage and their future marriage. We hope to cement that desire in their hearts.

After the visiting grandchild leaves we make a scrapbook with the photos and pictures of places they visited. I don’t have time or patience to get real fancy, so I make it simple, but fun. When they receive it they call and express gratitude for it.  We want them to always remember our time together.

• Use technology.  Facebook is a good way to keep in touch.  You can find out a whole lot by looking on your grandchild’s facebook page.  We’ve learned to make our FB comments to them seldom and private.  We never want to embarrass them with a comment they wouldn’t want their friends to see.  However, we don’t hesitate to give congratulations or a little praise where all can see.

Also, we learned that we can get a message to them quickly by texting them.  Sometimes it’s just a quick word or two, like the other day on the first day of a granddaughter’s new job I texted, “You’ll do great.

You’re in our prayers. We’re so proud of you.

We love you.”  She texted right back and said, “Thanks, Grandma. That means so much to me.”  We don’t feel a need to do this often, but when we do we try to make it count.

We’ve learned that they don’t always show appreciation for what we do.  Most do, but some don’t.  Kids are all different, just like adults.  We’ve decided that their response to our gifts to them has no bearing on our giving.  We just keep on doing what we do so they will know our love never falters.  We are there for them.  We love them regardless.  I think that’s how the Lord is with us.

4. Share prayers and priesthood blessings with them.

As grandparents we have the power to call down the powers of heaven to bless them. Many times we have prayed for angels to surround our grandchildren, to guard and guide them. We pray that they will listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and be guided in their choices.  We pray for those who are driving age to be especially watched over, and along with this we verbally remind them to drive safely and obey the laws. One of our grandchildren told us of a near accident she had and said, “I know an angel helped me because it was like someone grabbed my steering wheel and pulled me out of the way of an oncoming car. Thank you for your prayers for me.”  We know the Lord hears the prayers of devoted grandparents.

We let them know we are praying for them when they have a special need, such as an illness, a hard time at school, or other difficulties.  When we are with them we find times to pray with them.  Sometimes they’ll call and say, “Grandma and Grandpa, I need your prayers.”  We are thrilled when they do this, and they get those prayer abundantly. When our cowboy-grandson does his bull riding competition, we pray!  Oh, do we pray.  Growing up in Wyoming did this to him.  So we pray for his safety, and rejoice that he is a good living young man and that the Lord will watch over him.  He’s growing up, almost sixteen. Can’t imagine it.

When our college-student granddaughter needed to buy a car she called for some advice. Her parents were states away, but she was near us. She’s one who avoids debt (thank goodness) and had saved for a good used car. She wanted to make sure it would work well for her and asked for our prayers to help find one.  We prayed for that specific blessing, then Grandpa joined her in the search and together they found a good one. Grandpa worked with the car dealer, winning his favor, making sure the car worked well. We won’t go into detail here, but after some effort the deal was done. She has enjoyed the car and continues to express gratitude for Grandpa’s help in finding it. Prayers and some hands-on help made the difference.

Recently we received a call from a less active adult granddaughter, whom we adore, pray for, and treat as though she were active in the Church. Calling us was not unusual, but her request was.  She’s asked if Grandpa would give her a blessing.  We were so pleased.  Our efforts have not been in vain. She knew where to turn, and that God loves her and will bless her.  We never cease to have hope that one day we will all be together in the Celestial Kingdom.

That is our continual hope, and we never stop praying and working toward that eternal goal. When they live righteously and make wise choices we rejoice. When they falter along life’s journey, or go astray, we continue to love them and do all we can to gently lead them back onto the path.  We know the most important thing we can do is love them and pray for them. The rest is in the Lord’s hands.  We trust Him to do what we cannot do.  That is what the atonement is all about.

We know we have not been perfect grandparents, and that we’ve made mistakes. But we are continually working at doing our best.  We know that many of you have done much more and have your own way of showing love to your grandchildren. Every effort is profoundly important. So keep it up. Our hope with this article is to give a few ideas that may inspire grandparents everywhere in their quest to help and love their grandchildren.

We know that the real power of our influence in our grandchildren’s lives is our example and our steadfast faith in Christ.  We promised this to our posterity when we were married at the alter of the Salt Lake Temple fifty-six years ago. Our life is dedicated to keeping that promise, and we pray continually to never lose sight of this.  It is our hope and prayer that all grandparents remember these promises and keep them, and that God will help us all to do so.

A song for grandparents

To conclude, a few years ago Gary asked me to write a grandpa’s lullaby for him, so I wrote the words and my cousin, Janice Kapp Perry, wrote the music.  Just a few days ago he sang it at our granddaughter’s baby shower, a fun way to welcome a soon-to-arrive great grandbaby.  For any who are interested, here are the lyrics and the link to the recording of Gary singing it.

To listen click on this link and scroll to end of article http://ldsmag.com/component/zine/article/8625?ac=1

Grandpa’s Lullaby

lst verse:

Don’t cry little baby,

Someday you will see

How much Grandpa loves you,

What you mean to me.

Don’t cry little baby,

So perfect and good.

I promise to do for you

All that I should.

Chorus:

And there will be arms to hold you tight.

And soft lips to kiss you and whisper goodnight.

Grandpa loves you, dear baby,

Goodnight.

2nd verse:

Don’t cry little baby,

I’ll sing you my song

To bring you sweet dreams

That will last all night long.

Don’t cry little baby,

There’s no need to fear.

God’s most caring angels

Will always be near.

Chorus:

And there will be arms to hold you tight.

And soft lips to kiss you and whisper goodnight.

Grandpa loves you, dear baby,

Goodnight.

After last chorus:

Sleep tight little baby,

You’re safe here with me.

[“My Faith In God Award” song is free to anyone.  Scroll down to Free Products.  The poetry poster “My Baptism” is available for a modest price.  Also available on this site is the poetry poster  “My Priesthood Promise”, which we give our grandsons when they are ordained to the priesthood. FREE SHIPPING on all products on the website. If you want the sheet music to “Grandpa’s Lullaby” email gjlundberg@gmail.com]

Last month we wrote the article Wake-up Call for Husbands, and were surprised to see the large number of comments and emails we received.  Now it’s time for a wake-up call for wives.

Full article

Husbands, you need to know that nothing like this comes “out of the blue”.  There may be one final act that pushes a wife over the top and she can’t take it any more, and WAHM! The marriage is over.   Here’s help so that won’t happen.

Full article

The end of a marriage, for whatever reason, has a devastating effect on families. Not only do husbands and wives have to navigate their way through changes in finances, living situations and emotional stress, but those couples divorcing with children must take the well-being of their little ones into consideration as well.

Now a new report based on a decades-long study has found that children who experienced a divorce die on average five years earlier than those from homes where the parents stayed together.

Entire article

By Sara Lenz, Deseret News

KANSAS CITY — It’s a Friday evening in Kansas City, and inside a crowded auditorium full of about 22,000 teenagers, a man named Jason Evert is walking back and forth across a blue-lit stage.

Evert is in his mid-30s, but he has the youthful, energetic manner of a college student. Tonight, he looks like a college student too: black necklace, spiked blonde hair, sleeves rolled up.

Sometimes, at moments like this, Evert feels like he’s in the middle of a Justin Bieber concert. And by the time he’s done, the entire auditorium will be on their feet, clapping and cheering.

Evert’s topic: sex. But what makes his message unique in today’s media landscape is what he’s saying: kids should remain pure and chaste until marriage.

Read entire article here

.

An American family on special assignment lived in a small village in Chile, high in the mountains. A native woman brought them fruit and vegetables and fresh eggs each week. They didn’t speak her language, but they were able to communicate enough to understand each other a little. The local woman smiled and laughed with them and when she left she always said the same phrase. The American family memorized the phrase. One day when missionaries came by, the family asked them to translate her words. The missionaries listened and replied, “Oh, you have been highly complimented. She says to you, ‘I shall come again because I like myself when I am with you.’”

“I shall come again because I like myself when I am with you.” This is a key to good relationships in general, and for the purposes of this article it strikes me as specifically applicable to maintaining positive relationships with your married children and their spouses.  Following is a list of desirable character traits that when possessed are more likely to make those around you like themselves and feel loved through your interactions.

Be generous of heart—open your heart and home to them. Give of yourself, your good will, your support, your encouragement, your time, your talents, your means, and your compassion.

Endeavor to be abundance-minded, rather than scarcity-minded. In other words, from your perspective there is time, space, and love enough for everyone. Yours is an inclusive mentality.  No one is left out because you believe “the more the merrier.” This condition is more of an attitude than an actuality, but believing helps make it real. At the least, such an attitude helps others feel comfortable in your presence.

Extend invitations and welcome guests, but don’t require that family members make a given number of visits or telephone calls. Avoid keeping track of how long or how frequent their visits are to prove their love or pay off obligations. Don’t forget that holidays need to be shared with the other side of the family, and furthermore married children should be allowed the time and freedom to develop their own interests and traditions. It is really up to them, rather than you, how they spend their Sundays and holidays

In your eagerness to be generous, be careful not to overdo your good works.  Even though you mean well, you don’t want to spoil your children, making them feel enabled or entitled in negative ways, or cause them to be demanding or lazy. When extending money, gifts, services, and favors ask yourself truthfully, “Will this strengthen or weaken them?” and then act accordingly.

There are those who have a strong desire to support themselves financially and feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable by overly generous parents.  Along this same line, some well-meaning grandparents bestow more toys and gifts on grandchildren than their parents feel is good for them. (In such cases a wiser use of money could be to contribute toward grandchildren’s mission/college funds.)  Talking these matters over with your married children can help you know what to do. I’m reminded of the “Goldilocks Theory;” not too much, not too little, but just right.

It’s important that you be a boundary keeper, that you exercise restraint in your words and actions. For example, when our first son announced his marriage plans, someone quipped that the mother of the groom should wear beige, keep her mouth shut, and be there on time. You can laugh, but don’t miss the point. There is a grain of truth in every joke, and in this situation the truth has application far beyond the wedding celebration. Mothers and mothers-in-law who understand their purpose are to be prized.  When this principle is applied, potential difficulties are avoided.

At a bridal shower I attended for a granddaughter, the groom’s mother gave the bride-to-be the strings she had cut from her kitchen apron, symbolizing that she would let her son go. There would be no more mothering.  No interference. No unsolicited advice.

When you are in someone else’s home, it’s usually best not to take over and be “the master of the house” unless you are asked to do so or you are faced with an emergency.

As a wise in-law, you’ll know when to jump in and help and when to exit graciously.

A woman spoke gratefully of her mother-in-law when she said, “My name and secrets are safe with her.” She could count on her to be loyal and trustworthy.

Another daughter-in-law wrote, “Over the 27 years of my mother in-law’s association (before her death) she never once criticized me for anything, and I never heard, even second-hand, that she had ever found fault with me in any way. Her acceptance of me as I was, made me feel secure in her love and we had a closeness that was dear to both of us; and consequently, I never saw anything in her to find fault with.” Do not be judgmental and critical.

When interacting with your family, never forget that the relationship is nearly always more important than the issue at hand.  Be patient, understanding, merciful and forgiving. Look for the best in them.

Be a duck—that means you let things run off your back. Don’t take offense, don’t take things personally, don’t allow yourself to take guilt trips, and don’t keep score. Learn to “let it go.”

Share happy news, but avoid bringing up information that could create competition or cause divisiveness in the family.  One woman said, “I never learned through my mother-in-law about a new piano, car, or carpet another one of her children had purchased. When she was at our home, she talked about my children and my furniture.”

We can’t cure their illnesses, make their children behave, or pay off their mortgages, but we can think of ways to give them heart and hope. Be a steady source of acceptance and encouragement.

Be a source of comfort and strength. When things go well, help them count the blessings; when things don’t go well, help them find the

blessings.

Be a good communicator. Don’t leave people wondering and guessing about your preferences and needs such as what time you expect them for dinner. Some issues are even more significant.  For instance, a young woman said, “As a newlywed I didn’t know what to call Mike’s parents so I just resorted to eye contact or a ’hey you’ when I needed to   get their attention. It would have saved me lots of awkwardness and frustration had they early on expressed their preference.”

One mother reports that a newly married son and his wife started dropping in any time, any day and expected a meal. She determined that she could either put up with it and let resentment build or discuss the matter with her son. She chose the latter and explained to him that her home was not a cafeteria, but that dinner invitations would be extended and she would collaborate with his wife on the menu so the wife could contribute toward the dinner. This has proven to be the best policy for everyone concerned.

In the case of a misunderstanding or offense, it’s best to quickly and courageously go to the person involved and tactfully discuss and hopefully resolve the issue. Don’t talk to others about it; that only makes matters worse.

Read entire article

When I was about twelve years old my Aunt Fern took me aside and gave me a tip about life that I have never forgotten. Usually aunts don’t take you aside and tell you to do something you’re already doing.  I must have been going around with a grumpy countenance to provoke such a specific counseling session.

“Smile,” she said, putting her arm around me. “Smile all the time, whenever you can at everyone you can. People will want to be around you if you do.”  On she went, “Nobody enjoys being with a grumpy person.  If you want friends, smile.”  She even suggested I look in the mirror and practice smiling.  I have always admired Aunt Fern, who incidently at age 89 still smiles all the time, and everyone loves her, so I did precisely as she suggested.

I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom and smiled my head off. I tried all kinds of smiles until I settled on my ordinary plain, simple, happiest looking teeth-showing smile.  I practiced it. It felt good and made me feel happier.  Give it a try, it’ll work for you, too.

This idea was further boosted when in the 10th grade I was encouraged by an LDS friend in our school who was a senior to try out for cheerleader.  It was a small high school in eastern Oregon with not many Latter-day Saints. She was head cheerleader, would be graduating and moving on.  Without a moments hesitation I emphatically told her. “No. I won’t try out.”

I had tried out the year before and soundly lost, after which I had determined I would never tryout again. It’s humiliating to lose. In those days the cheerleaders were chosen by student body election.  I had practiced hard and thought I did okay, but found out from a “leak” that I not only lost, but came in last.  No way would I humiliate myself and tryout again! Not ever!

She prevailed, “You have to.  I’m leaving and when I’m gone there won’t be an LDS cheerleader to be an example for the Church.”  I assured her that if I tried out there would still be no LDS cheerleader, because I would lose.  She persisted.  “If I teach you how to win will you try out?”

“Can you guarantee I would win?”

“No, but almost.  I think if you do what I say you could win.”

She had me.  “Okay, if you’ll teach me I’ll try out just one more time.”

She worked with me, teaching me cheers, but more importantly she taught me how to relate to the students.  She said, “Start caring about everyone in this school, really caring.  Learn their names, be interested in them.  And smile.  Smile and be friendly.  Smile at everyone.”

Back to the mirror, smiling my head off again.  Learning the kids’ names, learning about them and actually caring about them.  School became very fun. It’s fun to smile, and it’s even more fun to be an example of the teachings of Jesus Christ by truly caring about others.

So, end of story: I won.  And I won for the next two years until I graduated.  Because of my friend I knew my smile let people know that I was a happy member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I took that responsibility seriously, not doing it perfectly, but smiling my way through my blunders. It made high school fun.

Righteousness Shows

At a recent General Young Women Conference Sister Elaine Dalton, Gen. Y.W. president, said, “The Lord loves you, and I know you love Him. It shows in your countenance, in your modesty, in your desire to choose the right, and in your commitment to remain virtuous and pure.” (Elaine S. Dalton, “Remember Who You Are!”, Ensign, May 2010, 120–23)

In a recent Young Women event in Los Angeles, California Sister Dalton counseled young women to do four things, the 4th being “Smile every day.”  (Church News, March 5, 2011, 15)

When we are striving to keep the commandments it can’t help but show in our countenances.  I remember working with a young woman who had fallen from living a virtuous life. She thought she was happy, but her face betrayed her.  Her countenance had gone dark, there was a sadness in her eyes. She didn’t smile much anymore. At one point she realized what she had lost, returned to the Church and fully repented.  The look on her face completely changed.  She smiled, her eyes had a spark. When you are living righteously it just plain and simply shows up on your face.

Smile Bonuses

Besides exhibiting the light of Christ, a smile offers other rewards.  Dr. Mark Stibich reported the following, to which I’ve added my own comments in brackets.

1. Smiling makes us attractive. [I think of that when I’m in less-than-attractive attire and no makeup on, in the grocery store, you know, dashing in to grab something quick hoping I won’t see anyone I know.  And I run into an old friend   Oh, no! What do I do?  Smile, smile big, Who cares what you’re wearing if you smile and are happy to see them. A smile is the best cosmetic. It’s a quick way to change your looks.  To extend this idea, if you’re single and want to attract a mate, or married and want to keep the one you’ve got, then smile. The point is, smiling makes you attractive, and people do fall in love with people who are attractive to them.]

2. Smiling Is Contagious. [It’s like a magnet.  It attracts people to you and makes them smile, too. Try it as you walk down the street or the hall at church or school.  Your smile will be rewarded with a smile from everyone you give one to.  One happy, smiling person can change the atmosphere of an entire room. There’s no question about it, smiling IS contagious.]

3. Smiling Relieves Stress. [Stress shows up on a person’s face, and stress is not pretty.  Isn’t it nice to know  you can smile it away? When I’m tired and worn out, I’ve learned that smiling helps me relax and feel rejuvenated. And I’m certain it helps my husband feel happier when he sees me smiling.]

4. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System. [Dr. Stibich believes that smiling kicks your immune system into a higher gear, warding off flu and colds. He also said it can even lower your blood pressure. That ought to put a smile on a lot of faces.]

5. Smiling Helps Relieve Pain. [When you’re in pain you may think the last thing you want to do is smile. Do it anyway. Research shows it releases endorphins and seratonin, natural pain killers.  If nothing else, it will bring a positive attitude—you can’t smile and think negative at the same time. You and your loved ones will feel a boost from your smile.] (Top 10 Reasons to Smile, By Mark Stibich, Ph.D., About.com )

Improves Self-esteem

Debra Moorhead, a motivational speaker, said, “A smile will significantly increase your self-esteem.  Smiling sends a subtle message to your subconscious that you like yourself and that you’re contented.  You really are as happy as you decide to be and smiling sends the message, ‘Mission accomplished.’

“Use it while on the phone.  You’ll be amazed at how people will be able to tell you’re smiling!  Just as important, smiling improves your mood – that’s what comes across over the phone or even while composing e-mail!” (www.debramoorhead.com/blog/?p=71)

A smile can be seen in a person’s eyes.  If you cover your face, leaving only your eyes visible, then smile, your eyes will reveal that you’re smiling.  When the corners of your mouth turn up in a smile it makes the corners of your eyes turn up a little and your eyes actually twinkle.  Look in the mirror and watch it happen. Smiles light up your whole face.  I witnessed this when we were visiting with a Muslim friend who wore a veil over all but her eyes.  I could always tell when she was smiling.  However, I missed actually seeing her smile. Fortunately, when she stayed in our home and removed the veil we had the chance to see her whole smile, which we much preferred.

It’s a Gift

A smile is an unselfish gift you give to someone.  It brightens their day and says they matter. Mother Teresa said, “ Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”  Smile at a child and watch his face brighten up.  It works just as well on older folks.  And it doesn’t cost a penny.  Reminds me of that saying, “The best things in life are free.”  Smiling is one of those.  Give it often and be blessed for it.  As someone once said, “Smile, it increases your face value.”

Bless Your Home with Your Smile

When a new baby is born it becomes our daily effort to try to get this tiny new little soul to smile. We tickle her cheeks, we make funny sounds, we smile our biggest smiles hoping she’ll catch on and smile back.  When she does, it’s a very big deal.  We announce it to the whole family, and we work at trying to get her to show it off to each family member.  That little smile brightens up the whole house.

Smiling is a big deal.  We need to keep promoting it at home by smiling at all of our children and certainly at our spouse.  It brings sunshine into a home and says to all there, “life is good and I’m so happy to be sharing it with you.”